Underestimated: The Myths that Follow a Child with ADHD

It seems like everyone knows all about attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) these days.  But do they really understand what it is?  Despite ADHD being the talk of schools and therapy offices nationwide since the 1990s, myths still are pervasive about exactly what ADHD is and what it looks like at home and in classrooms.  These myths can be deeply harmful because they can negatively affect a child’s self-esteem, change the way they are treated at school, and even impact how a parent views their child’s future.  These myths make the lives of children and adults with learning differences significantly more difficult.

Let’s look at four of the most common myths among teachers and parents.

“He could focus if he wanted to.”

This is one of the most frustrating myths because it is so clearly untrue.  ADHD is not the inability to pay attention.  You have probably seen a child with ADHD lock-in for long periods of time when engaged with Legos, a Nintendo Switch, or YouTube. Paying attention is not the issue.  The difficulty comes up in the ability to regulate where that attention goes and when.  For kids with ADHD, it can be incredibly challenging to shift their attention to something that is not instantly gripping and hold it there.

A child once described their ADHD as a magnet. Their attention stuck to their preferred interests like metal and their non-preferred ones were like wood. This is a great comparison because as much as you might want a magnet to stick to a piece of wood, it just isn’t happening. This isn’t a choice.  The difference between “won’t” and “can’t” is vital for truly understanding what ADHD is.   “Won’t” indicates that the child simply doesn’t want to, while “can’t” indicates they are having trouble developing the skills of directing and maintaining their focus.

“She’ll grow out of it.”

This is one of those myths that has some truth in it. Some. Yes, it is true that ADHD stems from differences in the interconnecting pathways of the brain including the prefrontal cortex, basal ganglia, limbic system, and the cerebellum.  All of these parts work together to form our executive functioning system that makes plans, oversees focus, and decides when our attention needs to shift to something else.  These parts of the brain continue to develop well into our early thirties, new research shows.

What this myth gets totally wrong is the timeline.  A child or teen does not have to wait until their brain catches up to the development of neurotypical children.  Instead, they need to be taught specialized skills that focus on task initiation, optimize the learning environment, and boost focus/retention.  Researchers have demonstrated that these skills can be effectively learned by people with ADHD when practiced consistently over time.

“It’s a discipline problem.”

This common myth must be debunked.  It is easy to chalk up impulsivity and inattention as behavior problems.  However, this is just not the case for children with ADHD.  These children aren’t choosing to lose their completed homework several times a week, blurt out answers, or start an assignment without help.  These simply are demonstrations of the skills that they have not yet developed.

Punishment is not going to make inattention and impulsivity go away.  In fact, it can exacerbate both because it shames children over something they don’t have control over.  Schools need to stop asking, “How can we stop this?” and start asking, “What skill is missing and how can we teach it?”

“Everyone’s a little ADHD.”

Actually, no.  Of course, everyone has common things that occur like losing their keys, their minds drifting during the second hour of a meeting at work, or becoming hyperfocused on something they love and completely losing track of time.  This does not mean that you have ADHD, and saying this can be incredibly deflating to someone who has it.  ADHD is neurobiological, which means that it is rooted in differences in brain structure, connectivity, and chemical regulation.

ADHD is a part of the neurodiverse universe.  No two brains are exactly alike.  It would be a boring world if they were.  Just because neurotypical people occasionally experience some of the same things that people with ADHD do, the difference is the frequency and intensity of these challenges. People with ADHD don’t just have a forgetful moment or mind drift every now and then.  They experience these difficulties frequently across settings and with more intensity, to the point that they are even affected while doing things they genuinely want to do.

When children hear this myth, it teaches them that the challenges making school so difficult for them are things that everybody else can handle. This can lower their self-esteem and increase feelings of isolation.

What the myths hide

All these myths focus on a person’s struggles rather than drawing attention to some of the amazing strengths that come with having ADHD.  Children and adults with ADHD are often extremely empathetic, brilliantly creative, and can laser focus on topics that interest them.  Some of the world’s leading creative innovators, musicians, engineers, and artists thrive not despite their ADHD, but because of it.  Many of those same people were underestimated during their school careers.  Stories abound from these folks about how they almost didn’t make it through school because they simply weren’t understood and appreciated.

Dispelling the myths takes all of us

Understanding of ADHD has greatly transformed over the past decade because of research, advocacy, and people with lived experience stepping into the spotlight to be heard.  People with ADHD, educators, and family members have also connected via online communities to share tips and information.   What once was considered as only a deficit is finally being celebrated for the powerful gift that it can be.  It’s cool to be a part of the neurodiverse universe!

As with so many things on the internet, as awareness has grown, so has misinformation.  A quick Google search for “ADHD advice” results in an overwhelming amount of conflicting and harmful advice.  But it all sounds so confident and professional!  When sorting through all this online content, make sure that you are following research-backed interventions, relying on the judgement of professionals, and listening to the voices of people who have ADHD.  Professional experience matters, but so does lived experience.

And if anyone ever tells you that your child would be fine if they just tried harder, tell them to take a hike! We all know that this most ancient of ADHD myths is simply not true.

Loren Pilcher is the Dean of Students at The de Paul School.